Not So Much a Disaster

I feel like a let down.
All my life I have seen women conquering their houses, keeping up with all the chores all while taking care of four kids. All the laundry is done, the house is clean, dinner is ready and the kids have a snack when they get home from school.

I fail. And I only have two people to take care of.
I called my mother the other day, about ready to have another panic attack, and told her I couldn't do it anymore. I can't seem to keep up with anything, the story of my life. When Matt got home, he took one look at my face and immediately get's frustrated. I tell him what's going through my head: that I feel like I'm the one doing everything, that I don't feel stable, that I can't handle it all myself.
"You don't have to!" He exclaims, "This is stuff that has to do with us. If you need me to do something just ask me!" He for some reason doesn't remember that I ask him to do stuff all the time and it usually takes approximately a week of me asking him everyday before it gets done.
I have gotten so burned out from having to clean up after three people (when it wasn't my job to clean it up at all) that I NEVER want to do anything when I wake up in the morning. Lately, Matt has been coming  home to find me sitting in a chair, computer in my lap, TV on and a slight scowl on my face. I don't want to do anything. I am tired of not having any help and hearing complaining when I ask someone to do something. I've pretty much just given up.

I am burned out. The thought of drowning comes to mind as I sit here and think over everything I am running behind on and I just want to throw up my hands and sink. I want someone else to take care of it for a change, but I know that's not going to happen so I trek on, day after day and try to at least keep my depression at bay while I trudge around the house trying to finish at least one chore.

But who am I to think I can get it all done. I'm not superwoman (unless my powers won't show up until I'm 25), and I don't have to try to be. I do only have two people to take care of, and one of those people is 23 and can take care of his share around the house, whether he wants to complain or not. I don't have to take on everything I want to do yet, and focus on getting done what I have started now.

These past couple days God keeps hitting me with this thought that when I get what needs to be done finished then I will feel so much better and be able to actually enjoy what I want to do.

Why can't thoughts be like nerve signals where once you have them your body just does them?

Weekly Menu

Meal 1: Matt's specialty hamburgers, corn on the cob, and mashed potatoes

Meal 2: Basalmic kabobs, featuring, steak, mushrooms, and tomatoes

Meal 3: Burrito Pie and green beans

Meal 4: Volcano meatball subs and potato salad

All You

New favorite website: All You.

Get it.